Dowry ritual at the wedding: "If the husband and wife do not understand each other, then no furniture, no car comes in handy."

 Dowry ritual at the wedding: "If the husband and wife do not understand each other, then no furniture, no car comes in handy."

"In real life, not saying dowry is not as easy as many people think," said Nazish Faiz, a Rawalpindi resident who has been able to meet the demands of his in-laws in the form of dowry. It turned out that his family had to take a loan, but the dowry demands that started with the settlement of the relationship could not stop even after the marriage and their marriage ended only four months later.

In our society, 'dowry' is one of the many rituals performed on the occasion of marriage, but if this ritual is not performed, many girls will not be able to get married and if it is done, they will be mentally and emotionally deprived. Is subjected to physical abuse.

Pakistan tops the list of South Asian countries where the number of women killed due to non-delivery of dowry is very high.

Recently, the United Nations Women, in collaboration with renowned fashion designer Ali Zeeshan, launched an awareness campaign against dowry, which once again sparked a debate on social media about the practice. Some people were seen condemning the dowry recipients, while others called it an important ritual.

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Talking about the dowry demands, Nazish Faiz said, "When my parents went to the boy's house to settle the relationship, my mother-in-law showed my mother the part of the house where I was supposed to live after marriage and said whatever you want. She will give it to her daughter only.

"She then asked my mother not only to give her and her daughter gold jewelry as a gift at the wedding

 but also to give some gold to her son (my husband)."

Ash says both his father and brother were against giving too much dowry because he thinks the ritual is not only against religious traditions but they can't afford to perform them.

"My mother tried many times to convince my in-laws that we could not afford the dowry, but each time they heard that if you had to do that, you would have to take care of your family," she said. I would get married. '

Nazish said that he thinks that his family members fulfilled the demands as much as they could for his happiness but the orders of his in-laws did not stop even after marriage.

"A week after the wedding, my mother-in-law came to my room and told me to complete my dowry. In addition, my in-laws used to make fun of my dowry and criticize my family for giving me cheap things.

According to Nazish, the constant dowry demands and taunts made by her in-laws became the cause of daily quarrels between her and her husband and only four months later her husband divorced her.

"You're a girl. You can't make demands."

Zubair Jan is a teacher in a private school in Islamabad and in 2015 a relationship came to her from eating and drinking family.

"My parents liked the relationship, so they talked about engagement, but the boys kept the marriage and leave a mystery. It wasn't that my parents made any big demands on them. They just said, "We're just getting engaged. When your son is able to build his house and stand on his own two feet, we'll leave." Will do

To which the boy's mother said, "What are you talking about? You are a girl. You can't make any demands." We are boys and we will demand. Why would a boy make his home? She will bring your daughter home. '

Zubair says her parents were shocked to hear the demand for a house in the dowry.

"Even though my father is a man of status and he always dressed and fed us well. Most people think that if they have money, they will pay a dowry for the whole truck. When my mother told me about their demand, I thought I would never let that happen. "

According to Zubair, she went to the boy's house and did not tell him about the relationship with great respect. "I told the boy's mother to congratulate your son and give us peace of mind."

"When I didn't say dowry, there were a lot of fights in my own house."

Sana Fahad is a businesswoman living in Karachi and considers herself one of the lucky few women who did not have to come in front of people again and again by decorating trays for relationships.

"My husband and I knew each other before we got married and we decided that I would not take the dowry and they would not accept any kind of dowry."

Sana says that many people call dowry a curse but then they take this curse with great pleasure. So she and her husband decided that they would not accept any dowry.

According to Sana, when she informed her family about her decision, she was strongly opposed by her family.

"My mother is a traditional thinking woman. When they heard that I did not want to take anything in the dowry, there were many fights in our house. My mother's secret was that if I did not take the dowry, my in-laws would not respect me.

Sana's husband Fahad Asif says that no dowry was demanded from her parents. However, when her mother-in-law put a lot of pressure on Sana, she sat down and explained to her mother-in-law that she was his daughter. Will be held in high esteem.

"I did not take anything in the dowry until I tried to buy my and Sana's wedding dress and jewelry according to my status and I did so."

"The girl is not a toy to be valued."

Nazish thinks that it is too late for them to say no to the demands of dowry but now it is time for people to refuse to accept such demands even before marriage.

"Boys should not stop taking dowry. It will only end in our society when girls stop giving it and realize that a girl is not a toy to be valued."

Zubair believes that it is the responsibility of the rich to end the dowry ritual first.

This ritual is made by rich people who easily give expensive gifts to their daughter on the occasion of marriage, so it is now their responsibility to end it. Until the rich class abolishes this ritual, the middle and lower classes will continue this ritual.

Zubair says that most people do not say dowry for fear of ending the relationship.

"People think that if the relationship ends, people will question the girl and think that maybe there was something wrong with the girl that caused the relationship to end, but now we need to start talking about it. Do At least start questioning this ritual so that those who demand it can be discouraged.

Sana Fahad says people need to understand that for a successful marriage, it is more important for two people to understand each other.

"If two people don't match and they don't understand each other, then neither furniture nor car nor bike will work for you."